Random Ramblings
uhm, Nug? 2/27/07
Well TODAY IS MY DUE DATE! I am tired of worrying and panicking and today I am just happy that the nug will be here soon! I can hardly wait to have the little cheeky bugger in my arms instead of in my abdomen!!
40 Weeks 2/26/07
I am still pregnant. It sucks. Yeah, yeah, I'm sure the little pudgeball will be cute and I won't care anymore after it's out, but RIGHT NOW IT SUCKS. Right NOW, it's not out. I haven't met it yet other than being kicked in the groin/ass/lungs by it all the time.
And right now, all I can think about is how pissed off I am that it looks like I am going to be induced in a few days. I dread it. Meanwhile even if I refuse it, i could just end up with a baby so large they end up insisting on C-section, which is a primary reason I dont want induction (risk of C section).
I had no idea there was so much bullshit involved. I should have moved to Tennessee to get prenatal care & birth on The Farm. But of course that wasn't really an option since I am on Heparin.
39 Weeks 2/20/07
I am still pregnant. It is starting to feel like I will be pregnant forever. I cannot feel my right leg. My left leg has shooting pains going through it. The Nug likes to kick my right lung’s scar tissue. My hips are starting to give out. My back hurts all the time. My hormones are going insane.
O U C H.
38 Weeks 2/15/07
Oh my god, I didn't think it was possible to continue to feel physically worse and worse each day, BUT IT IS! And now on top of my body feeling like a train wreck alien host, I feel a little sick now. What is that? I just started maternity leave and I thought I was supposed to take a few days to clean up the apartment before the baby shows up. Not happening. I stand up for 5 minutes and then feel completely exhausted. Nothing is getting done, I am feeling worse, and now I think if I went into labor today it would be bad because the home is NOT READY, but if I DONT go into labor soon I will be stuck getting induced and I sure as hell dont want that either.
OWWWWWWWWE.
And the hormones are almost worse than the physical frustration. Or maybe they ARE worse. I am sitting here trying to decide some small way I can be productive, and then BOOM something happens like my phone rings or the dog farts, and I'm crying without a clue. This is lame. Correction, this is BULLSHIT.
37 Weeks 2/07/07
I am trapped! When I am alone, all I can think about is the 27 simultaneous aches and pains and pressures I am experiencing. Or the 115 ways in which I am not yet fully prepared for the baby to show up. And when I am not alone-- when I am with other people, they all piss me off without even trying. People look at me, see my large belly, and can't seem to talk about anything ELSE besides my situation, for which they have nothing but negative comments and warnings of doom. The most pleasure I seem to have lately seems to be when I am with peeps who have plenty to talk about OTHER than ME. That is pure joy and I swear my aches fade away for stretches of time when others talk about lovely fun plans and events going on in their lives. It makes me happy to imagine their adventures through their story-telling. Everyone else I wish I could just tape their mouths shut.
I can't wait for the nugget to show up so I can be busy with wiping its ass all the time instead of sitting around bored coming up with things to worry about.
35 Weeks 1/23/07
Oh my god, Nugget, what are you DOING IN THERE??
I understand the need for exercise but this is out of control, are you training for Olympic Kickboxing? Extreme Ju Jitsu? Dance-Dance-Revolution marathon?
Well how about taking a break? I'm sure you're well prepared and I suggest you TAPER for the next 4 weeks, how does that sound? Chill out. Rest. So that I can too. It seems anytime I shut my eyes, even for a moment of peace, you get the signal and start going bonkers with cartwheels or boxing or whatever it is you're doing.
Wassup with that?
34 Weeks 1/16/07
I am 34, and today my little nugget is 34 weeks old in the womb! My womb. Previously just a source of menstrual cramps every month to bitch about, my womb is now a home to a human! And "home" doesn't even being to cut it. My womb provides shelter, protection, food (room service so efficient that chewing is not even necessary), heat, oxygen, hormones, an environment in which to develop all major and minor organs, and a continuously refreshing bath to float in. Deluxe accomodations.
Meanwhile, on the outside, I can tell you this: My back is killing me. It was bothering me the last few days, but today its on fire. Apparently the nug took up a position with its back wedged up into my back. WHY.
I noticed in the mirror today that I have no zits at all. Normally (non-prego) I have more pimples than you can shake a stick at. But prego my skin is as clear as when I was on birth control pills for those 3 weeks back in the day. Of course the other thing that happened back when I was on the pill... well we dont want a replication of that, now do we.
I cannot believe in a few weeks I'll have a little blob of a human, and I'll be home from work to care for it 24/7 (for a while anyway), and I'll be in charge of another life. How did I get that job without some sort of approval? There was no interviewing, it's just BOOM you're a parent.
And whats up with all the parents I know voicing their complaints about all the things that suck about having kids? It's not ALL parents, there are a handful that give a more balanced set of comments. Some even just say great things and nothing negative at all. But the Bulk of parents seem to take some pleasure in either attempting to scare me or else pretend to be "warning" me of the sucky stuff that lays ahead. Why would people do that, I am not sure, except that maybe they don't enjoy being parents themselves and thus want to have a little company to their misery or something. Which sounds sad.
Either way , at the moment I dont think wiping poop or vomit up is that big a deal. I don't have expensive carpeting or furniture. And what do I do now that is more important than wiping poop? Nothing.
Big Ole Belly 1/6/07
I can't seem to take the time to do any rambling lately. So much of my focus is on spending as much time as possible in bed or trying to get to bed or wishing I was in bed. Sleeping, I mean, people!
I'm nearing the 33 week mark and it's getting exciting!! I still have like 5,000 things that I thought I would be finishing up right now, however those tasks are going undone. Top priority seems to be trying to find a comfortable position and getting more sleep.
Physical activity is crawling to a halt. I was always so used to the magic of exercise and the ability of the body to continuously improve. Run every week & watch your running improve every week! Work the muscles out, and watch them get stronger!
Well now that law is reversed. Each week at prenatal yoga I find I can do less and less, and that my muscles feel weaker and weaker! Is it LAME and only makes me want to spend even more time under the covers. Although I may as well linger in bed now, while I can :-) May be another 20 years before I can do THAT again. :-)
YEAH!!!! I can't wait to meet the nugget face to face!
shannon@sleckey.com