Random Ramblings
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ZZzzz... 3/10/05
All I can think about is sleep the last few days. And it's all I can really do well these days. When I get home it's a struggle to keep my eyes open as long as I can. It hits 9:30pm and then that's it, no more waking hours for me, I stop, drop, and drool.
Asses of Fire 3/2/05
The chap sitting across from me on the subway held my full attention, through the whole commute. His pants were mesmerizing. The crotch of his jeans seemed to be at knee-level. As he was sitting with his legs spread, this formed a tight straight line of denim from one knee to the other. I tried to get a good look as to where the waist of the jean was located, and it appears to be near the bottom of his ass. The bottom! Meaning if he stood up, down they would drop!
There was no way that could happen, this guy look like the picture of some kind of style, I don't know what , but he clearly had put time and effort into his ensemble, the puffy jacket 5,000 times too big, the layers of shirts, the shiny jewelry and tilted bright yellow cap. Things got really wack about 2 stops before we got off. In preparation for public viewing, this chap starts to puff himself up. Yes, just like a pigeon. His hands were everywhere, moving and billowing his clothes. Fluffing his jacket out as if putting sheets on a bed, over and over, getting lots of air under it. And then puffing up his pants-- his ready-to-fall-off pants, puffing like crazy, trying to fill the space around his crotch with a few gallons of air it seems. Was this a mating call? I was on the edge of my seat waiting for him to stand up and see where the pants went. Those last minutes seemed like an eternity on the subway. Finally our stop. The last stop. I fumbled with my bags so I could watch him get up first. It was amazing-- all that puffed and loose and billowing clothing, and it all hovered around him, as if the gravity around him simply pointed OUT from his body. I noticed the waist of the jeans hovering around his flat boney butt-- they were right at the bottom-- what held them up??!?
I thought there was no way he could take the stairs, but he did, and he clearly couldn't care less (or enjoyed) the fact that his entire butt (in boxers) was on full display as he climbed the stairway.
oh my god. I didn't intend to ramble this but, I just realize, as shocking as I found that youth-- I just remembered a time, I was climbing the stairs, in the mathematics building at my college, and suddenly realizing that my "fashionably" ripped jeans happened to be fully ripped all across the bottom of both jean butt-cheeks, thus giving any students on the stair behind me a full view of MY pale flat butt. Jeeez. And I was just a geeky math tutor. So maybe Subway Boy wasn't all that cool either. Uhm.. maybe.
3:57 3/1/05
There are pounds and pounds of snow outside.
comfort 2/28/05
... woe. Looks like I had a little DR last night. Hereby deleted. Today we're getting 12" of snow.
Snow covered Fire Escapes 2/26/05
La tempérance est un arbre qui a pour racine le contentement de
peu, et pour fruits le calme et la paix.
Temperance is a tree, it has for its roots: contentment with little, and for its fruit, calm and peace. --Ferdinand Denis Weather Gods willing, spring will be here in less than a month. But the skies appear to be dumping as much snow on NYC as earthly possible before that happens. If I can get through this, I can get through anything. The year is always a mix of seasons, and winter frostbite bitching is forgotten as soon as I am sitting on the east river eating a Cosi salad of gorganzola, nuts, cranberries and grapes. I think the older people get, the more trouble they have getting along with others. Trouble, meaning, they are less willing to be understanding or respectful or giving. Maybe as years go by they get burned and swear to never be burned again.
2/21/05
This past Sunday I went to see the Gates. The most bizarre thing is that everyone in NYC is talking about it-- all 7.5 million of us. The opinions cover the full spectrum. To me, it's beyond words, except foolish sounding ones. Which is appropriate, as I find it both foolish and magnificent at once.
Of course I would describe human life the same way-- incredibly stupid and yet awe inspiring. Life is a long series of disappointments. They started when I reached 18 years of age, and have never ceased. As a teenager, life was far more distressing, but I could handle anything back then, because I always knew that regardless of the feelings I had to block out, my real life was awaiting in the future, in adulthood, with full freedom at 18. But once reaching that age, the intense expectations set in, and this can lead only to a life of disappointment from everyone and everything. I guess that is why so many people cling to religions-- any current pain is most easily overlooked if you truyly believe that the future holds something much better, even if it's vague an uncertain, it's just fantastic somehow. Because anything in the future is only a half-idea colored in with the best possible circumstances.
But I believe in Peace, Bitch. 2/19/05
I cannot believe this. I am sick again. I was sick from Xmas eve in 2004 until the end of January. I was still happily appreciating my wellness, when BOOM. I got sick again about 2 days ago. This is not right. Sick is so boring and depressing, it gets in the way of my daily tasks and goals. What the hell, people? I have goals and deadlines and plans, none of which will wait for my nose to stop running. C'est ca.
And I thought I wouldn't have to be
And I thought you wouldn't have to keep
Hallmark Day 2/14/05
Well, I think I always ramble about Valentine's day so I can't very well stop now. V-day means one thing and one thing only to me: Flowers. Unfortunately it never seems to mean that to any of the men in my life.
I think only girls understand the need for the beauty and smell and escape of flowers, and so I am lucky in that I usually can count on receiving some fresh blooms from a female admirer. Happy Day, all!
Roethke 2/3/05
I wake to sleep and take my waking slow. I learn by going where I have to go.
great adventure 2/1/05
Happy February peeps. Always such a roller coaster... I am surrounded by noise this week. No matter which train or which subway car or seat I pick, I am invariably sitting near a screaming baby, a person taking up half my seat, a moron with a loud cell-phone game, or obnoxious loud teens. WUZZUP?!?
Duboeuf 1/31/05
This duboeuf kinda sucks. But it might be ruined because I recently had sweets in my mouth. Things are relative, and aftertastes effect the current taste.
I wish I could stay in this moment, this void. Door locked shut, lights out. I don't even want anything, that seems to be half the problem. I want nothing. And so you see I have come to doubt.
Isn't it Grand, Boys 1/30/05
My nose running like nobody's business today. So are my feet, but it's as if there's a treadmill under me.
Do you recycle? I've been asking people lately, and apparently Everybody's Doing It. I feel like Carrie with the discovery that everybody Backs Up their work without any mention of it, except her. Why didn't somebody tell me that there is a massive recycling effort going on? I thought it was just a fringe activity by treehuggers. Who the hell really sorts their garbage every time they toss, and what does that accomplish? Apparently everybody, but I don't know why. I am often torn between my sense of balance with the world and my selfish thoughts that none of this matters whatsoever. Of course the former brings more peace, but my inner voice thinks the latter is true. And truth beats out peace in my mind, you can't suppress truth just to feel better. At least I can't.
Thought I'd make friends with time 1/28/05
This is quite a cold stretch.
Burrrrr ito 1/25/05
This weekend I had a serious case of cabin fever, so serious that I was looking forward to going to work just to be out of my apartment. I love my home place, but I can't stand staying in any one set of walls for days and days of hours on end. Can Not Take It. And this doesn't mesh well with my new digs' location. I no longer have friends within walking distance, and downtown manhattan is futher away. And I can't even kill snowy hours on the phone-- my two best friends moved to foreign countries so my phone is quiet as a mouse.
Whine, bitch & moan, I know. C'est ca.
Made to fade 1/24/05
I am the midnight watchman down at Miller's Tool and Die. And I watch the metal rusting, and I watch the time go by.
What's been and gone 1/23/05
Some big changes are blooming this year. It might be hard to recognize some people at the end of the year, after all their blessings come through. Meanwhile I don't recognize myself right now. I haven't in years, c'est la vie, it turns out we change and turn on ourselves as well.
A birthday toast:
and always remember the longer you live
Tear 1/19/05
Great, another night with 4 hours sleep. Exhausted here. And this morning on the train was the first time I was not able to catch an hour of Zzz's, and this because the chap seated next to me was emitting noises for the duration of the commute. I cannot be sure, but I think he was going through a notebook, tearing each page out one at a time (riiiip) then crumpling it up rapidly and loudly into a ball. I kept my eyes closed so I don't know where those balls of paper were going-- if they were being used as kindling or to stuff furniture or to pelt other passengers, or what. But I do know it was rip-and-crumple, pause, riiiipppp and crumple-crumple-crumple over and over and over all morning; I almost thought the very purpose was just to keep me awake with the most irritating sound one could come up with on short notice on a subway.
Light my Fire 1/17/05
It's SO HOT in the building today. It's like 5 million degrees. And I'm wearing a huge bulky turtleneck sweater because outside it's in the 20's today.
All the heat makes me sleepy too. 'Course so does not sleeping at night.
Hard Day's Night 1/14/05
How long can one Cold go on? It's been three weeks, people. Yes it has! And I can't take it, I can't function like this. Aches, and snot and hacking coughs, and sweat. Wuzzup. I finally called my doc but the son-o-bitch is on vacation.
Snort 1/9/05
Cough. Hack. Achoo. Ouch. Chills. Sneeze.
What better way to start the new year! I've been sick for like 17 days people. WUZZUP?? It's infuriating beyond description. I have such a FABULOUS list of new year's resolutions, but half of them are just not going into full effect because I am too exhausted to do much of anything. So. What is the next step after you understand something?
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shannon@sleckey.com